About six months before the seizure I had given birth to my first child, a baby girl, and my mum was also extremely poorly with terminal cancer. I was worried about my mum a lot and was also finding it hard being a new mum myself. A neurologist I saw in London believes that the stress and upset over my mum being poorly, combined with the hormonal imbalance, sleepless nights, and possible mild postnatal depression, had triggered my seizures. I just remember feeling grateful that my daughter wasn’t with us in the car that morning.
Unfortunately, I found it hard to understand and cope with the diagnosis at first. My world had been turned upside down. I was so scared to be alone and about being a new mum. I was sad that I couldn’t hold my baby without someone else around, because I was worried I would drop her. I couldn’t take my daughter out for a walk in case I had a seizure while I was outside or crossing the road. I couldn’t even bath my daughter on my own and I was scared all the time in case a seizure would happen again. I suffered bad anxiety for several years. My husband was amazing, but I also felt I was putting pressure on him as he had to take more time off to be with me. He has been my rock and I have been very lucky.
I had lost my driving licence immediately after the first seizure, and then again after others. I found this hard as I used to drive regularly, and I was very independent. I felt like a completely different person; a shell of who I was before.
My last seizure was when I was on holiday in America. I had a grand mal seizure, then another when I was taken to hospital. I had to stay there until I was well enough to fly home. When I returned home, I decided I could no longer cope with what was happening and not knowing how to feel OK again. I did some research and I was lucky to find a great private neurologist in London, who put me on new medication and helped with my understanding of epilepsy. It wasn’t cheap, but I have never looked back as he has helped me so much over the years.